I did dream last night , but all I can remember is that it was about writing a letter. If it is important it will pop up again.
Funny thing this business of feelings. A whole day after the chemo on Tuesday , I can't say what I was feeling. Feeling a bit flat. Neutral. Void of feeling. Perhaps a little disappointed that I wasn't feeling anything special. I wonder if this is how psychopaths are. They can't feel emotions, can they ? Maybe I was in touch with my inner psychopath or perhaps it was the chemo killing emotions ? Who knows. Thankfully it didn't last long .
My inner guidance guided me to Leonard Cohen and John Lennon . John Lennon 'Gimme some truth ... all I want is the truth ' felt so appropriate .
“I'm sick and tired of hearing things
From uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocritics
All I want is the truth
Just gimme some truth”
John Lennon is addressing my inner state of mind , my density . Funny how it all works out. When I am unable to articulate in words what is going on , then I get guided to someone who can. Yesterday I started feeling a shift in my state of mind
The first thing that hit me was the importance and need to commit to my experience as it IS Committing to WHAT IS instead of what I think it SHOULD be .Thank you Panache Desai
I want HONESTY , I want the TRUTH , but maybe I can’t handle the truth ... yet ?
I am aware that I am not being honest with myself , not authentic ( although the fact that I am writing this means perhaps , that I am being honest ) This is what I am feeling /thinking now given the information I have received.
Disappointed that " nothing seems to turning me on ",
Feeling flat .
Absence of highs and lows .
Breathing . Existing . Being. Not judging .
Disappointed that " nothing seems to turning me on ",
Feeling flat .
Absence of highs and lows .
Breathing . Existing . Being. Not judging .
But here I am now , writing and expressing
Here's a TRUTH :
“ COMMIT TO YOUR EXPERIENCE AS IT IS and NOT as YOU THINK IT SHOULD BE “
“
Be discerning , Mara
“No short-haired, yellow-bellied, son of tricky dicky
Is gonna mother hubbard soft soap me
With just a pocketful of soap”
( love this bit )
How quickly moods change
BODY : The itching on belly, boobs , underarms and around top of thighs is a nuisance, but bearable . I'm also losing a little more hair thank usual. Feeling less tired.
MIND : Active , but also still .
Now for another cup of tea .
No comments:
Post a Comment