Feeling the boat rocking

Cystoscopy examination and chat with the consultant at Karolinska  this morning was more than I bargained for. Again , lots to take in . I wish I had brought someone with me , but didn't realise I was going to get more info . I feel my boat rocking .

Shed a few tears , proud to say .  I'm really committed to embracing what is ; fears and tears.

The consultant examined me, but as it was so difficult to insert the instrument , he said it would be best left to the Cystoscopy TurB operation on Monday , 15/ 9 , under a full anaesthetic when they can prod , poke and scrape as much as they like .

It was the mention of chemo that got me , a Cisplatin + Gemsar combo . The previous  consultant had said one , max two  and now this one was saying 3.  I didn't ask - what does 'three ' mean ? Three treatments or cycles ? I''m new to this . I don't know what that looks like  so hence fear and panci stepping in.  Started to google , but that only made things worse. Best to have this chat with a consultant .

BUGGER BUGGER BUGGER !!!!!

BOTHER , BOTHER , BOTHER 

Meeting my soul sisters later . I really need to feel their Anam Cara energies right now .

In the meantime http://youtu.be/s0liQAocT9s