Conflicting thoughts

Today , I am aware of a raging battle of conflicting thoughts inside my head.

Digging my heels in - I refuse to give up gluten and dairy .
The very suggestion "you should " or you "must " makes me roar inside with anger .
 No no no !
I picture the consequences of what this implies to my life;  quality of life and socialising with friends .
Besides, I argue, imposing this change in diet does not guarantee a return to health or a cure for cancerous tumours. Yes , it has worked for some , but it's not for me.
Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face ??? Probably. I hear my defiance. I am furious . Yes it is a well meaning suggestion , " for your own good " but who says ??? Is it really true ? Grrrr.

At the same time I am aware that lurking behind this trigger there is something of value, something I am not prepared to see yet . What could it be ?

Just before falling asleep last night I read Wayne Dyer's 10 Ways to Peace. Chapter 1 : Stay Open .  and I agreed to stay open , to keep an open mind and not to judge .  Easier said than done ..hahaha

"Stay open" says Panache too . I am willing to stay open but I need help past my anger and defiance.
*sighs*
bloody hard this !!!!

Journalling my feelings brought up a lot of STUFF :  tears , anger , defiance , frustration . Breathed and let feelings surge up and out . 

Rewarding myself by snacking on crisps. Naughty , but nice 

Bath and bed .