Feeling wear and tear after two cycles of chemo and chemo 3:1

So far , I've completed two cycles of chemo and started the last and final cycle last Tuesday . 7  treatments, two to go. One tomorrow and then another one after that the following Tuesday.
 
It's beginning to get me down . Yep , knocked back yesterday, literally , falling flat on my back Slipped and fell flat on my back on wet laundry room floor.

OUCH !!
It was scary .
Winded me .

Fortunately I could get up and walk , but for a moment I thought I'd be stuck there unable to move until someone came to rescue me. I am feeling stiff and left arm is bruised adding to bruises from the multiple blood tests and attempts to find a suitable vein for chemo treatment last week.

Many emotions surfacing:  Irritation, anger , sadness , fear , apprehension - a right cocktail of energies in motion. Instability .

Yep , won't lie to you . Two cycles of chemo are beginning to wear me down.

Could do with an extra energy boost.
Feeling both fragile and strong.

Trying not to THINK too much and spin stories about what is happening and why but intending to FEEL and BREATHE  allowing the energies to flow .

Would appreciate extra love and good vibes.

Apart from that - I have consoled myself by scoffing down a LARGE sushi.

Primperan and Postafen

Fortunately , nausea has not been a problem so far and long may it stay that way.

Having said that , I do remember that on days 1 - 3 , I was given some cortisone which sent my mind racing while body was relaxed and limp. 

These two , Primperan and Postafen were given to me in case of nausea , but I've not needed to take them. 

Primperan , 10mg - not when I have diarrhoea 

Postafen , 25 mg for nausea after chemo

Slept well last night from midnight till 08:30 and spent morning philosophising , waking up , being in silence and Facebooking. In short , following my bliss .

Brunch 12 noon 

On to me second cuppa tea now :-) 

love love love .............

Monday , Tuesday Wednesday

Hello Bladder Blog and faithful readers

Wednesday today , I think . What happened to Monday and Tuesday ?
Let's see


Monday : 6/10
A full day
Didn't want to get up out of my cosy bed, feeling weak and drained from two days of diarrhoea .Emptying shit . Imagining all the while that 'all that I no longer need is going down the toilet ' made me feel good.

It wasn't so bad once I got dressed and got going.
Took the bus and then a short walk up the hill to the hospital .
First the lab to leave bloods before 10:30
Sat down to collect thoughts and answer the phone
Next appointment with counsellor Birgitta in the bowels of the earth ,  -2 floor,  at the hospital .

Useful tips : Be gentle with yourself . Listen to your body and whims . What applies now , may not be true a little later. Go with the flow . Keep asking yourself :  " What do I need right NOW ? " throughout the day . Let your friends know that the effects of chemo will be affecting you . In a way it is like being pregnant . Rest .

Enjoyed the mindfulness exercise at the end of our session. A bit like a workout for the soul .

12:30 Jill picks me up outside the hospital. Lunch , chat and sushi . Miso soup tasted fab !

14:15 Lena and I go in search of wigs . Found a lovely one . Brought it home with me to try on at leisure . Haven't got round to that yet. Have it till Friday to decide , keep it or not.

Tuesday 7/10

Second chemo
A cold and blustery day . Perfect for chemo , said Alex in his text lol
Gun arrived with greetings and flowers from Magnus and Julia . I am touched and overwhelmed.

The session at the hospital,was actually quite enjoyable . Fun almost , thanks to Gun keeping me company . There were delays, a few cups of tea and by 5pm we were both ravenous . Pizza to the rescue , then bath and bed and 10 hours sleep straight through . Amazing

Today, Wednesday   8/10 :

15:30 . Christine sent me healing . Felt a surge of heat and energy. Had to lie down for a bit to breathe , allow and receive

Time to eat again ,  So far today , I've had a banana , 2 egg omelette , tea , vitamin C and a few chocolate biscuits .

Thank you all for love , blessings and healing energy support.

Catch you later .......

Love love love ...

The night before chemo

Hiya Bladder Blog and readers !

I've been awake since 3 am .
Washed dishes and made cup of tea
Soothing
Pre chemo anxiety.probably
Tummy upset.
Bleeding into the catheter bag. Not unusual , but still a concern as mind starts making up stories and saying : " see.. proof that that something is amiss ".

" Flippin heck " another voice chimes in " what are you like , you big girl's blouse . You will be fine , Stop being so melodramatic "

Subpersonalities, the people inside us are such fun !

My healing oracle says :
" Stop resisting . Embrace the changes in your life. Release what you no longer need, and welcome the seeds of new experience "

On Facebook I happen to see Panache's post:

Panache Desai:
"Moving into abundance means counting your blessings -- even the events, people or afflictions that don't look like blessings."



YES , I believe this , and this belief is certainly being put to the test right now.

I am facing my demons .
I've feared getting cancer, but more than cancer and dying , I've feared chemo and the thought of poison being injected into my body, which does not make sense . The demon is staring me in the face now. So what do I do ? Run ? No . Not an option. I am determined to face this demon knowing that somehow only good will come of it . Feel the fear and do it anyway. Embrace it. Think of it as sending in a task force to do a clean up and get rid of all that is no longer required... a bit like using the steam mop on the kitchen and bathroom floor.

Thank you dear readers and Penny , Dace and Margaret and Ninghal  , for your emails  I love you and your loving support . Will reply soon,

Now for a little more sleep ..... peace zzzzzzzzzzzzzz