Here comes the sun .....

WONDERFUL to wake up to sunlight streaming in through the window .
It's been a while !
What a difference it makes to my mood.

A whole week has whizzed by dealing with pests .

Time flies when you are having fun - or when you have something to obsess about.
I've been slightly OCD about the infestation of meal moths in my kitchen cupboard that must have stowed away in an organic eco friendly bag of flour or cereal . Pesky little things causing a lot of bother.  I've thrown away open bags of flour , cereal, couscous, bulgur and oats as well as anything else that has shown signs of contamination , such as eggs or silver like threads of cocoon around the edges of packaging . I've scrubbed , vacuumed , steamed , and disinfected and still they appeared on the ceiling and in the cupboard  seemingly able to hide away in the tiniest of spaces.

On Friday , or was it Saturday , I can't remember I decided it was time for the heavy artillery and sprayed the whole cupboard , adjoining cupboard and above the cupboard with deadly pest control spray; very stinky. By Sunday I found a couple of dead bodies in the cupboard and a few dazed ones. On Monday also a couple . Today . none . Fingers crossed , I hope this is the end of the pesky intruders . We  shall see. I am going to be vigilant .

What a way to spend my 'week off '  in-between chemos. Cycle 3 , starts on Tuesday 25 November and before that an appointment with the oncologist to discuss MRI results.

All this physical activity and cleaning has been exhausting . I slept from midnight till 11 am this morning , with stressful dreams. In my dream I 'm  in a railway station in London trying to find the  right platform . I also need a ticket , but they've changed the system so now you can only buy a ticket outside the station in a shop across the street . It is unclear where. At one point someone tells me the right platform and we start running towards it , but it is too late , The train is already leaving the station.

There is not much difference between day and night . Days are dark, grey and misty. By  2 or 3 pm it is already dark . Waking up at 11 am means that the three hours of 'daylight' disappear rapidly while I am waking up , getting dressed and having breakfast / brunch .

So there you have it,

Today I made scones ; old friend visiting from Helsinki popped in for tea.
Luverly-

Now nearly 11 pm , *time for bed, said Zebedee .... as they all got on the Magic Roundabout *

Onwards ......

TTFN for now !

Stillness . A dressing-gown day .

When I opened my eyes this morning it was 8 am . Then it was 10 am . Now 6 pm . Where did the time go ? 

Note to self : Splash water on your face when it is time to wake up .

Ok .... 

When I opened my eyes I spent time reviewing things in my mind . Things that had happened yesterday and perhaps during the night , Thoughts . Landing in my body. Then morning hygiene rituals. It all takes time , especially when I move in the rhythm of my soul. 

I am overwhelmed by the ABUNDANCE that surrounds me : things, thoughts, emotions , inspiration and information coming my my way. It is all good . It comes from social media and above / within . It comes from all around me. I have asked for this and yet when it arrives and I become aware of it - part of me cries ‘whoooooah ..enough .... too much ‘ . I need to be discerning. 

YES - NO - NO FOR NOW .

Today I released while writing to someone that THE POINT OF POWER IS  TRULY IN THE NOW . ... and REST IN THE AWARENESS OF THE BREATH ... is where PRESENCE lies . MIND and HEART and SOUL we / I need them ALL  

In this world we live in DUALITY , but there is another dimensions that is important in the journey of duality . 
We need to hold them BOTH , but HOW ?  
Therein lies the challenge .

Discernment in the NOW 

Does it resonate with what is true and honest and authentic for ME ?  ( Others have their own journeys and beliefs that are right and perfect for them ) 

BODY  leaking past catheter a bit more than usual ; body a bit shaky , heart beating a little faster than usual , probably the cortisone .
FEELING peaceful, inspired  
MIND - thoughts a little hyper 
SPIRIT- is guiding me 

Check 

Today after chemo 2:3 ( last of three in second cycle ) I've given myself permission to have a dressing-gown day and pottering around. Among things I've done , in no particular order ; watered plants , done dishes made and had breakfast , phoned  my contact nurse to talk about plans , had some crisps while watching a film , made and had lunch , boiled Beluga lentils to use later, 
made and drunk several cups of green tea , checked mail and FB posts, and interacted on social media . 

Beauty is always welcome.
The colours , textures and the colibri are eye candy for my body and soul .

“Going nowhere … isn’t about turning your back on the world;
it’s about stepping away now and then so that you can see the world more clearly and love it more deeply.”
Leonard Cohen

The Art of Stillness !!!

Tuesday 11/11 . Chemo 2:3

Today's chemo was at 2 pm and not early in the morning, thank goodness

Before that , an appointment with my counsellor .

Alex and family are off to NY to visit Roberto and family and then on well needed holiday ,  13 December - 15 December ,  which means that if my operation is brought forward they won't be around.  IF , it is brought forward . However , if the tumour is responding well to treatment, then  I will be having the third cycle of chemo , and a rest before  the operation which will be in January next year and we should be ok . So , my counsellor suggested I take all  this up with my oncology nurse so that she is in the picture and she can also alert my doctor who in turn should be in the know as she is part of  'The Team ' who are looking after me. Fingers crossed that everything runs smoothly.

I received saline solution cortisone IV   and Gemsar yesterday. The nurse started with the vein in my left arm , but didn't quite get it right so had to take the right arm instead . Apart from that and a bruise , everything went smoothly and I was ready to go home around 4 pm .

Leisurely evening :
Dinner : mashed potato and home made coleslaw , nom nom , big glass of orange juice and few clementines
 'Vanity Fair ' on Netflix
Emmerdale
and
Holby city

Oprah and Deepak Chopra meditation before bed
Ommmmmmmmmmm zzzzzzzzzzz

Now I have a week off !

Is it Sunday already ?

Good 'moaning' ! 

Is it Sunday already ?

 

This really is the season for hibernating. I have to force myself to go out in to the dark misty dampness that surrounds everything these days and permeates into bones. 

 

Stiffness. 

Lower back pain . 

Usch ... what's that all about ?

" Fear or money . Lack of financial support " says Louise Hay

So today I am AFFIRMING : 

I trust the process of life . All I need is always taken care of. I am safe  There . That should fix it  ! 

In other news , it is Father's Day , here in Sweden .

 

Happy Father's Day , Pappa Alexander 

Early start again : MRT scan tomorrow .

"  Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), nuclear magnetic resonance imaging(NMRI), or magnetic resonance tomography (MRT) is a medical imaging technique used in radiology to investigate the anatomy and physiology of the body in both health and disease. MRI scanners use strong magnetic fields and radiowaves to form images of the body. The technique is widely used in hospitals for medical diagnosis, staging of disease and for follow-up without exposure to ionising radiation. "

The machine looks like this 

They call it MRT here in Sweden and tomorrow I am going to have two scans , in two different machines . The first one for thorax, upper body 08:20 and the second one , lower body at 8:50 .
Both huge machines , but the second one makes more thumping sounds , a bit like shamanic drums .


So , I'm having to set the alarm for 5 a.m. so that I can have an enema and proper cleanse .


So , night night blog
Night night readers of blog .

Wednesday . Day after chemo 2;2 . Bread, ginger nuts , meditation

Good afternoon , Blog, Bladder and Buddies :-)

It's a dull , grey , damp and misty day here.

Slept well and woke around 8 am taking time to linger in bed and wake up slowly. Decided last night that this would be a dressing gown day of BE-ING and pottering around , but in the end got dressed in orange , yellow and green autumn colours , with my long woollen knitted socks from Riga on my feet.

BODY :
Washed hair , which is still thinning out, scalp is tender in places , so decided to massage in some Bio Oil .

I'm leaking urine a little , so wearing Tena Lady incontinence pads . Have had to change knickers a couple of times during the course of the morning, to deal with the damp. Wonder if this is normal and why it is happening and if it is something I will have to learn to live with , or if it is temporary and just something to get used to and put up with for a while . Otherwise urine is clear . No pain . No blood and haemorrhoids also feel fine . YAY :-)

My stomach is a bottomless pit and when I decide what to eat , it always tastes good and I find myself scoffing it all down too quickly and greedily . Pace yourself , girl ! Savour , chew and enjoy. Today , couple of slices of home made bread , boiled egg mixed with mayonnaise , banana and citrus green tea as well as a slice of freshly baked bread as it came out of the oven and one ginger nut biscuit. - also  made this morning . Scent of ginger , lilies , bread and tea pervade my home and space today . Divine sensual pleasures .

FEELING :  content. relaxed, a bit weak and dithery , shaky , light , empty in a good way ; spacious . dreamy

MIND and SPIRIT :

Listened to Day 3 of Oprah and Deepak's  meditation challenge :

Day 3 — The Source and Goal of Desire

Your true self is not only the beginning of desire, it is also the end, or fulfillment, of desire. This infinite potential, energy, and intelligence of unbounded consciousness is the real energy of attraction. Today we will discover that we don’t need to do anything, or go anywhere to access the energy of attraction. It is our own true self.

In today’s meditation, we will awaken this energy of attraction within, and harness its power to bring our desires to fulfillment. This activation of desire at its source sets the direction for our thoughts and actions to lead it toward its actualization. Attaining the goal of our desires brings an inner fulfillment and contentment that returns us again to our silent source of awareness. 

Our centering thought for today is:

My true self contains every possibility.

Day 3

The Source and Goal of Desire

CENTERING THOUGHT

My true self contains every possibility.

SANSKRIT MANTRA

Ananta Swa Bhava

My Being is without beginning or end. 

BEAUTIFUL

xxx

Chemo Day 2:2 ( Gemsar )

Arrived at hospital and was sent up to ave 22 ( dept 22 )

'There'll be a delay'  they tell me

I'm hot and sticky from the walk and bus ride to the hospital , grumbling about having to get up so early grrr ( THAT is the real suffering for me GETTING UP EARLY grrrrr ) but strangely happy and giggly inside listening to my own grumbles and Panache 's jump start mp3 on iPhone

Good moaning everyone x

Night before chemo 2:2

4am : discovered Eckhart Tolle TV .

He is so wise and spot on.

Very interesting video clips where Eckhart Tolle answers questions from people who have written in. The one I watched was about cancer.

"Illness can open the doorway to awakening."

Sooooo true xx 💕

Busy , social Halloween / All Saints day weekend

Friday :


Oh.. and a really laid back, ultra relaxed lovely Friday evening with the family


Everyone tired after a full week.

Madonna's favourite champers , toast skagen starters .

Alex's scrumptious Asian salmon,  Celebrating births, giving birth , operations , healing treatments and surviving challenges ,

Rolling with the punches.

It's all good.


Saturday :  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skogskyrkogården

Keeping up with our tradition of over 20 years , Kjell and I made our annual trip out to the woodland cemetery , Skogskyrkogården outside of Stockholm . http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skogskyrkogården to light candles on the graves of departed loved ones . Rain , drizzle , damp , crowded tunnelbana stations, families , children and dogs and organ music in the chapel where Stillness speaks .Memories of departed love ones come and say a fleeting hello . Everyone seemed just fine in their present realms.   Feels good to know 

Afterwards a sumptuous dinner with Kjell and Pether in their lovely cosy candlelit home .

Always a great treat .
Thank you , darlings xxx


Sunday :

Cream tea for Anna-Stina , with sandwiches, scones , jam and homemade ginger biscuits.
We chat and catch up for a few hours and the lovely lilies spread their heady scent through my candlelit home

Lovely

Monday :
Hospital for pre-chemo blood tests
Laundry
Lunch and then Johanna and grandsons pop in for a lovely visit .