The journey actually started 8 years ago

Sunday , 19 April 2015

Hello blog, hello friends and readers.
I did intend to keep posting , but that simply didn't happen.
Why ?
Lack of energy
Mundane activities taking over
Incoherent and jumbled thoughts
Painful sitting down at the computer due to all the work done 'down there where the sun don't shine '
Spirit is willing but flesh is weak


A few dark days

Straight after the Big Op , 21- 24 January , there  were a couple of dark days, but thanks to help and support from the medical staff and a session with the counsellor , they turned out to be just bumps in the road.

An Earth Angel appears 

I am so grateful to Oscar , a male nurse , from the Philippines who popped in to see me on returning from his 4 days off .
"How's your tummy ? " he asks , in English , and not it Swedish , opening up a flow of words in me.
" You are starting your new life " he says matter of fact, and it all starts to make sense ,
The following day, the counsellor pops in to see me ,
I talk, she listens , and then wraps my story  up in words.

By the way , this past week , I've had a few concerns , upset tummy and temperature of 38.5 at times. Normally I would not be too concerned , but this living with a stoma is still new to me and so I decided to phone the hospital ward where I was admitted at the hospital , not wishing to brave the emergency department unnecessarily and all the waiting etc . 

I soon realised that the person who answered the phone on the ward was Oscar, the very same , who again talked to me about my symptoms and told me to take a couple of paracetamol for the temperature and call again in the morning. I liked the sound of this , preferable to spending an uncomfortable night at the hospital. By morning the temperature was down . 


An eight year journey 

This particular journey of mine , spans 8 years, starting in 2007 when a benign tumour  of " low malignant potential " was removed . Regular check ups followed and stopped , but peeing problems persisted.
Persisted and persisted , but no solution was forthcoming for my inability to pee and empty my bladder properly .

"Must be your fibroids " ( the size of a grapefruit ) - " Time to have them out "
So, on the 20th January, 2014, I had a total hysterectomy
Quite a big thing for a woman .
"LIV-MODERN  " in Swedish translates literally as "THE LIFE MOTHER"
I dreaded that , and sailed through the op remarkably well , but I still couldn't pee properly so ended to living with a urinary catheter and bag for a whole year . Another story .

Loss and grieving 

It became clear to me that, not only was I recovering from two big operations within the space of a year ,  I must also be grieving the loss of several body parts : uterus , ovaries, lymph glands , urethra , bladder and a considerable part of my vagina.

Home again

I was released from hospital on Wednesday , 28 January after negotiating a couple of extra days to sort out my support system at home .

At this point , I could walk, about 400 metres , but still quite wobbly .
My family welcomed me home with  cards , photos of grandchildren , fresh fruit and crusty bread and   food in the fridge .

My son arrived 5 minutes later with a two big bags of medical supplies from the pharmacy . Shortly afterwards , Gunilla arrived with cardamom buns- or was it Semlor ? . So we all had  tea . 

Everything seemed to be more or less as before .
Amazing. Truly amazing. 


WELCOME HOME , Grandma :-) 

There were a couple of dark days ...

There were a couple of dark days, but thanks to help and support from the medical staff and a session with the counsellor ,  they turned out to be just bumps in the road.

One  month after the big op , I was mobile .  I could take care of myself and daily hygiene , get out of bed, potter around , make meals , do my grocery shopping ,  go for short walks , meet friends and keep hospital appointments.

Nurses came daily to help me change my dressing. This was a MAJOR concern of mine - at one time I could not envisage taking care of things myself without assistance . 

At first I could manage the top part myself , so the nurse only need come twice a week on Tuesdays and Fridays to help me change the bottom part of my my dressing which is a bit fiddly.

Home help came  once a week for a couple of hours to do my laundry and basic cleaning. Bless. 

One day , while I was reclining on my bed and sipping tea , my helper , who looks 25 but has grown up children of 20 and 30 , stops for a chat . She asks me about my op and I wax on lyrically until she asks for a glass of water . It is then I notice that she is looking a bit pale and about to keel over  Oh dear ... too much detail . Sorry luv !! Xx

Hospital , stents removed , leaks and sushi

Yet another busy day . Taxi picked my sister and I  up at 8:30 am to take us to the hospital where I had an appointment to have the stents in my stoma removed and dressing changed. 

( The stents are like chords that go up the ureters to the kidneys and 30-40 cms ) I was told it wouldn't hurt and they would simply pull them out . Ok - i was sceptical . The nurse clipped the staple stitches and removed them all the while chatting in Swedish and English to my sister and me . And then suddenly I saw a wicked grin on her face as she was holding the two stents she'd whipped out while distracting me with talk LOL . Wicked lady. She was GOOD . 

After that we were given a cup of tea and I also had a large glass of water to drink as the wanted to see if things were flowing properly . And then we went home

Delicious sushi in the evening .

Shared my semla with Dace for dessert 

Dace skyped with hubby while I watched Emmerdale 

Drama around 10,30 pm when I noticed the stoma was leaking - urine seeping out from a loose part of the bottom disc. Decided to improvise taping padding around the leaks and wait for morning .

At times like this it is great to have someone around to share the drama and prevent panic . Everything was sorted out the next day on a return visit to the hospital where I was fixed up with an alternative solution . 

Dace and Penny

The day after I came home from hospital , Dace, my sister  from the U.K . came to stay for a week and the day be before she left for home , Penny, a dear old friend , also arrived from the U.K . Penny didn't stay with me , but popped in once a day for tea, a bite to eat and endless amazing and uplifting chats. 

These two weeks were a very special time in many ways and on so many different levels . I had not asked for this , but both ladies volunteered and wanted to do this. 

There's nothing quite like sharing stories and thoughts with friends you have known for years. It was an intense and heart warming , soulful time , that I shall always treasure. 

I've thanked both of you before , but I'll do it again .

Thank you. Thank you , Thank you - I love you !! 

Thank you dear friends

Thank you dear sweet friends for all love and blessings you have been sending my way.

I checked in at hospital this afternoon and they have been busy preparing me for the big operation tomorrow (20/1)

This is just to let you know that I am signing off and won't be back until afternoon on Wednesday 21/2. The operation takes 5 to 6 hours and I will be waking up slowly hooked up to machines and monitors that go 'PING'  before they wheel me back to my room on Wednesday 21/1

If you are curious and would like to know all the gory details , then  Google BRICKER - the chap who invented this procedure in the 50s  The surgeon uses robots for precision .

Until we speak again, know that I love you and thank you for loving me . All is well and all shall be well . ️Xxxx

Catching up before the big op on Tuesday

Hiya  Bladder Blog , friends and faithful readers ,

I've not forgotten you , it's just that for the past 3 weeks I have had other things on my mind.
It's felt like " Zombie Time "  days and nights flowing into one .

It all started the day before New Year's Even , when a tooth started to give me grief and pain .
An infected molar , lower left side.
Yet another challenge to keep me on my toes.
Not easy to find a dentist on New Year's Day, but I did find Folktandvården  2nd January." No appointments " they told me " just wait in the waiting room. We estimate it will take 3-4 hours "
I arrived at 2 pm and left at 9pm - a total of 7 hours.

Turns out that said molar tooth was infected .
Tooth was opened up , cleaned up a bit and antibiotics prescribed .
( Infection must heal before tooth can be root filled )


Two days of pain until antibiotics started to kick in and after some ringing around  finally found  another dentist and an appointment was made for root filling part 1 ,  5th January ,

The pre - op information  meeting was on the 7th January - HUGE amounts  of info to take in

Meeting with counsellor , Birgitta the following day on the 8th January

Root filling part 2 , 13th January

Root filling part 3 , 15th January  and a total bill of SEK 4,500

In between hospital visits and root filling, i did have nice visits from friends, laundry dates, recycling of paper , glass and plastic, food shopping, and checking family's flat . Daily chores made difficult by snow , blizzards , slush , ice and sleet . There were a couple of days I did not venture out , and slept all day.

Family  returned home from their travels on the morning of the 15th .
YAY ... hurray .. missed them so .
Had to hand over my set of keys as theirs were packed away somewhere in their luggage. hehehe
Never mind
Off I went to my root filling appointment leaving them to rest and unpack before being invited over for a visit , and showered with presents.

So that's it - we are practically up to date now .

Spent the weekend going around in circles , as I tend to do before a trip , gathering myself and also doing some clearing of emotional clutter .

Feeling apprehensive
Dreaming 'collage - like ' dreams and then forgetting them on waking
Sadness and some tears - energies in motion

Overnight bag is out ready to be packed tomorrow morning
Bills have been paid
I owe people emails - sorry
Experiencing overwhelm - some things on my 'to do list '  are going to have to be left to the universe .
I'm going to miss my computer

All for now -  can't think ........

Night night - may post again tomorrow before leaving for the hospital around 1:30 pm .
Checking in time is 2.30 pm
Operation is set for Tuesday , 20 January , probably early in the morning.

Wish me luck , and a graceful, pain free  transformation and healing .
It's been wonderful knowing you , darlings !
(((hugs )))))

Night night